Loin King, Pumba, relax, hope, peace, no worries, toman,
Photo courtesy of FanPop

Recently, I’ve been on the brink of serious depression. I haven’t been the happiest of person’s, the littlest thing would just irritate me for hours til the point of no reason! I can’t begin to tell you how many packs of Newport’s I went through just to try to calm myself down. I would lay in bed thinking about what I was going to do, how was I going to pay for my bills? What am I doing with my life? What if I never get out of this rut? I didn’t have an answer for any of those questions it broke me this happened for three nights in a row.

One night I attempted to rest my eyes and again those negative thoughts started flooding my mind, they ran so deep that I literally felt my heart hurt. Yet I continued to lay there and let those thoughts flood my mind. even when I tried to think positive and tell myself it would work out the thoughts over powered me and just kept haunting me. Finally, after laying there til 4 am I just got tired of living my life in a constant state of fear and I said the words that sounded as if the clouds opened and God himself came down. “Fuck it” Those two little words seemed to mute the voices. I decided then that I wasn’t going to let this little funk get to me, and instead of worrying about what may happen I made things happen. I decided to make my problems in to solutions and really, just enjoy my life.

I know I’m not the only one going through it, so I decided to make a list of things that I am going to do from now on so I can enjoy the official start of my 20’s (since my 21st birthday is next monday!).

  • Buy the shoes

Every time I went shopping I would see something I love but I would never get it. Why? Because I work part time and I never know if my paycheck will cover my bills. Although it typically does (9 times out of 10) I’d be freaked to buy them even if they were on sell. So I decided, I won’t be reckless, but I’m going to get the d-mn shoes if I love them.

  • Get out more 
Since I’ve been so cheap, I’ve neglected some of my most cherished friendships. And since I’ve been lazy I have missed out on the chance to make some great new ones. No more I’m going to go out every chance I get and talk to almost everyone I see.
  • Indulge in my creative side
The only creative thing I do is write, I’ve been writing since I learned how to it’s truly a deep passion of mine. But I do think that I do need to expand, recently I’ve been dabbling in photography (you can see my work on my Flickr) I also want to start painting,so, that’s great too. 
  • Explore everything
Since it’s getting warm, I can finally spend sometime outside just walking. 
  • Smile, laugh, and stay positive
At the end of the day, my situation isn’t that bad. Things can be a lot worse, so I decided that I’m going to laugh at everything and keep my head up. And just remember, Hakuna Matata 
I’ve only been doing this for a week but I can tell you it’s been the best week of this year so far. I can feel things looking up. 

Love,
Kimberly

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