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There was no worse pain in my life than when I had first gotten my heart-broken. I was in the 9th grade, I had fallen head over heels for this guy I literally lost my breath one time when I saw him at his locker. He could do no wrong to me. The crazy part was he wasn’t even my boyfriend at the time, just some guy I liked with a silver tongue.

This was a time in my life I didn’t know anything about relationships outside of what I learned from Sex in the City and Girlfriends, in short, I didn’t know shit. I let this guy talk me in to skipping school and losing my virginity to him all with in 3 months.

About a week or so after I lost it to him he stopped talking to me completely. A friend had told me that he said it was all a game and he was just trying to mess around with me. I was devastated, I ran out the classroom crying my eyes out. A few weeks later I confronted him about it and he of course denied it, the only reason I believed him was because that same friend who told me about him lying was the one who told me to go see him again.

So I did and we started over, this time we were in an official in a relationship. But that was short-lived after my god-cousin told me that he had tried to flirt with her on her MySpace, She let me log in to her account and I saw the message. I called him and asked him about it. He said that his friend had gotten on his account and sent that message. I didn’t buy it and I left him completely, I cried for months, over heartbreak, and anger.

I really couldn’t believe it. The whole situation made me have a distrust in men, well, people in general because my “friend”  put me back in a bad situation, and because the guy was a douche. The signs were all there I just didn’t see it. Blinded by love I would do anything he said and he knew it. Now before I get my heart involved I make sure that I don’t have any doubts, and that he shows me he actually cares for me rather than me assuming because he seems so in to me.

I also don’t trust any dating rules (especially that fucking 3 month shit), it doesn’t matter how long you wait to have sex, he can still leave you. Wait til you have a real connection before you give yourself to someone and most importantly you’re ready to have it. Sex has lost all meaning before it started to have one, I guess it never really did, and that’s kind of the fucked up part. I don’t even know what I was thinking when I lost it, I really think I the reason we had sex was “sure why not?” there was no thought process behind it. That should never be the case.

That’s why even if I do have sex with someone it doesn’t make me like them any more or less and it doesn’t mean that I really care for you. It’s basically just sex. Now don’t start thinking that I’m one of those cynical people, I do still believe in love and that sex can mean something. It just takes a bit more convincing me than it does the average chick. You can’t just sweet talk me, you have to actually spend some legit time with me, take an interest in my interests, make me a top priority and show me you care through your actions not your words. Honestly that’s a the real key to anyone’s heart. I really do think if think about it. I can’t remember one time when me and him spent time together when we weren’t having sex, and that’s just sad.

In case you’re wondering, yes I am in contact with him, only through Facebook. Do I see us ever being friends or talking again, no. We actually had sex back in ’09 it was probably one of the worst sexual experience of my life, I actually started laughing because I couldn’t believe that this was what I was so upset about. All in all I’m grateful for the experience, although I wish I lost my virginity to someone else. I am grateful for the experience it taught me a lot about life and love and not to get hung up on just anyone.

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